TRUST

I have had an incredible lesson in trust. It amazes me that I didn’t see it before. I was so caught up in being angry because it didn't go the way I wanted. I could not see the writing so clearly written on the wall. Trust is a 2 way street.. This is a street that should be tended to and well maintained. Once trust is broken, if repair is not done immediately, a hole forms. If that hole is not repaired, it gets larger and larger and pretty soon you have a sink hole and weeds everywhere.

That is what happened to me. Mediumship is not an exact science. All of the information that I receive and pass on is a culmination of many hours in mediation and study. I have worked with my guides extensively, working out pictures and symbols. Feelings and sensations of physical symptoms. Hours in meditation getting to know them and asking how I can serve God. Days reading, some lazy and some intense, studying other mediums. I spent hours learning ethics and practicing with other mediums that encouraged me to share my gift with others! So I expect that when my guides give me information it is correct. In return, they expect me to uphold the commitment that I have made with them, to help anyone that comes to my door, with discernment, of course. Discernment… that is the moral of this story!

And then one day, I walked into that sink hole, landed face first and was left laying there with all of my nerve endings exposed. Anger overwhelmed me and left me screaming, “Why me?” (And a few other choice words that I won’t repeat here.) The more I dug, the deeper I got, the more exposed I became and the less I was able to see. I felt abandoned and betrayed. I kept saying, “I have done everything you ask of me, why are you doing this? I feel so alone and I can’t feel you anymore.” I kept digging and continued moving farther and farther away from my Guides and The Holy Spirit.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat, Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Always sage advice! Sometimes you have to wash more than once to get all the crap off! That was where I landed, washing and repeating. If I had only looked at myself 1st I would have figured out long ago that I was the problem. But of course, it is easier to put the blame somewhere else, so that is what I did. They gave me everything I needed to figure it out. And when I didn't figure it out, they presented the same challenge in a different package …Which only made me more angry and alone. (Stubbornness is not something that I am proud of.)

So finally after 3 weeks, I finally understand. I wanted the healing so badly for someone that I love dearly that I didn't see what her actions were telling me. Her words said one thing, but her actions told a different story. My Guides have always told me, “People can and will say anything, especially if they think it will make you happy, but to know how they truly feel and what they truly want, you have to look at their actions!” I forgot this very basic principle. And I have suffered and learned. What good is suffering if you don’t get the message! Somehow, it seems worth it!

My goal is now to examine myself, fully, completely and with love. Peel back the layers and change the things that I do not like about myself. Knowing that every lesson that I have, begins and ends with TRUST!